Merci Bocuse

Note to any new readers: The following is just a short summary of what happened in the episode, which will be replaced by a blow-by-blow recap later in the week. Stay tuned!

Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 12

It's coming down to the wire, so the chefs are really put through their paces in order to whittle them down to the final four. Well, that or we're just going through the motions to get to the final four that has naturally been coming since the beginning of the season.

First, in the Quickfire, the chefs are asked to create that new American favorite: A protein within a protein within a protein. For once, Kevin fails to impress, and is joined in the bottom by Michael. Both of them are a bit sulky about it, especially Michael, who is to spend the entire episode acting like a sullen teenager whose mother has confiscated his Game Boy for the weekend. Jenc finds her focus again, and wins the Quickfire, earning an extra half hour of cooking time in the Elimination Challenge.

Said Elimination Challenge is to work with either lamb or salmon and to make two impressive garnishes to serve alongside it as a representation of something they'd serve for the Bocuse d'Or. The judging panel includes some illustrious Names, and all five finalists are roundly criticized. Kevin's food swings too far towards the simplistic styles he favors, but his flavors beat the others' into the ground, and he wins a nice chunk of change and the opportunity to try out for the real culinary Olympics. The other four are all up for elimination, but since Eli is the only chef left who isn't a Golden Child, it's not too difficult to see his booting coming, which it does.

Casino Royale with Cheese

Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 11

Previously on Top Chef: Natalie Portman wouldn't eat meat. Not even Clive Owen's. Jenc continued her depressing downward spiral, and the producers realized that with the Clash of the Golden Children almost upon us, there's no need for The Smarmy Guy anymore. Bye, Mike! Six chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Monday Morning Quarterback session. Bryan talks to his family back home, and interviews about missing them a lot, which is never a good sign for one's continued success on a reality show. At least he shows a healthy balance between missing his loved ones and forging ahead with this opportunity. Too many people on TV show up acting like they were forced to try out for a reality show at gunpoint, and practically rend their clothes with grief when talking to someone back home. Jenc vows to pull herself together.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs go to a kitchen at the Venetian, and receive a call from Padma, who's kickin' it in a hotel room bed with Nigella Lawson. No, not like that, pervos. She tells the chefs that with all the hotels in Vegas, room service is big business, and so the Quickfire challenge will be to prepare an appropriate breakfast in bed. They have half an hour to get everything ready. Robin and Eli go first. Eli works on a modified Reuben, making sure to include corned beef, because as we all know, without the corned beef, it ain't a Reuben. Robin is typically frenetic, and runs around hysterically. She and Eli leave to take their food upstairs, and Michael and Kevin move in. Michael whines about the mess Robin has left behind, and then expresses his consternation with the strict time limit. At no point does he realize that one may have followed from the other.

Meanwhile, Robin serves her food to Padma and Nigella. It's a blintz with goat cheese, caramelized pineapple, and blueberries. Eli then brings in his Reuben Benedict with fried egg, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and a Thousand Island hollandaise. It looks pretty good, although I'm used to seeing fried eggs with harder yolks. Down in the kitchen, Kevin works on a hearty steak and eggs plate. Michael has created too much work for himself, and isn't going to be able to get his food done in the way he wants. Into this mess walks Robin, who's been told by some PA or other to go in and get her stuff. Michael curtly boots her out of the work area, and for all the times that I've looked down on the Robin-bashing, and all the times I've groused about Michael's attitude, he's completely in the right here. He is still being timed, and she is really in the way. She complains about how Michael's treating her, but not wanting someone wandering around in your workspace in the middle of a challenge is not rude, and she should have known better.

Michael is next to serve his food, which is a take on Cuban eggs with banana puree, rice, and bacon. "The thing about breakfast is that you can eat it at any time of the day," Nigella non-sequiturs. Um, thanks for that brilliant piece of insider information. Let me jot that down under "The chefs that make things with the least detriments will have an advantage," "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it," and "I want to make something quick [for the Quickfire]." This is such an educational season! Kevin tells Padma and Nigella that he's prepared a hearty breakfast in the Southern tradition. It's steak and eggs with creme fraiche, green onion, aged Cheddar, and a dusting of coffee.

LabRat: "Yeah, cause no Southern breakfast is complete without creme fraiche."

Bryan and Jenc are cooking down in the kitchen. Jenc has experience with room service, and works on chipped beef that she proudly calls "shit on a shingle". It doesn't appear to occur to her that serving shit on a shingle to judges may not be the wisest choice, but who knows? Maybe they'll love Army food. Bryan works on a four-minute egg to serve over corn polenta. Jenc serves her creamed chipped beef on toast with potato and tomato. Bryan's plate includes a vanilla sauce, crab, asparagus, and the aforementioned polenta. Once he's gone, Nigella tells Padma the dish would have been a "star" without the vanilla.

Results. First in the bottom two is Bryan, whose vanilla flavors clashed horribly with the crab. The other bottom-dweller is Robin, whose blintzes were one-note, and had no contrast. "I wasn't proud of what I did today," Robin says for what feels like the sixtieth time. For the good news, Kevin's steak and eggs really embraced the challenge, while Eli's modified Reuben had a nice tang of sauerkraut. That's enough to carry the day, and Eli wins. Though he doesn't get immunity, his recipe will be featured in a Top Chef cookbook devoted entirely to Quickfire entries. This strikes me as hilarious, as Quickfire dishes are often hastily conceived and even more hastily put together. Stephanie was talented enough to win her entire season, and completely sucked at Quickfires. It doesn't seem like the portion of the show that home cooks would be very eager to emulate.

Elimination Challenge. Padma says that it will involve celebrating the Strip of Las Vegas by sending the chefs to create a dish inspired by different casinos. That's a good idea, and I'm surprised that it took until now for the casino culture to be integrated into a challenge to this degree. The chefs draw knives.

Bryan - Mandalay Bay
Eli - Circus Circus
Michael - New York, New York
Kevin - The Mirage
Jenc - Excalibur
Robin - Bellagio

Hmmm, weird. There's a sharp divide in Vegas casinos. There's the "new" portion of the Strip, with the really glittering places with fancy restaurants, bars, and spectacles. Then there's the older portion that may have the same things, but to a much lesser extent. I only bring this up because in the above list, all of the casinos belong to the newer grouping... Except Circus Circus. That's a much less fancy casino, and it makes me wonder why it was chosen over places like Caesar's Palace, the Venetian, or the Wynn. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be catering a party for 175 guests. The chefs march off for the evening to be inspired. The fact that they can finally escape their housemates for a while is probably a nice side effect.

Field trip. Michael says that New York City is restaurant Mecca, where many dreams succeed and fail. He begins to form an idea about honoring New York City firemen. These two concepts have nothing to do with one another. That's fine, but then why show both? Work with me, editors. Jenc takes in the meal, some grog, and a medieval show at the Excalibur. She's still having trouble coming up with an idea, which confuses me, as the casino has a lot more obvious inspiration than a place like the Mirage. Bryan takes in the shark reef at Mandalay Bay, which helpfully has a sign about sustainable fishing, so his inspiration is dealt with in forty-five seconds. On his way out, he gets a souvenir for his son. Stop talking about your family back home! That's elimination talk!

Over at the Bellagio, Robin is struck by the multicolored Dale Chihuly glass exhibits. I've seen those in a couple of art museums, and he once did an exhibit for our botanical garden, which was awesome:

Robin hopes to marry that sort of artistic flair with her food. She spends a moment at the famous fountains before we shift over to Kevin at the Mirage. He plays with the dolphins, which looks like grand fun. He talks about his signature style of simplicity and "less is more", which seems to be working just fine for him so far. He doesn't believe in flashy food or style over substance. That doesn't have much to do with any inspiration that the Mirage may give, so I guess we can only hope he doesn't incorporate dolphin into his dish. Eli heads to Circus Circus. What's to say? It's very circusy. Back at the house, Eli complains to the other chefs that there is no circus at Circus Circus. That's not entirely true, although it wouldn't surprise me if he missed the acrobats on the upper level. The stage is remarkably well-hidden. Can you tell I went there recently? The slots were not kind, although LabRat did well at the blackjack table.

Anyhoo, Eli tells the chefs that there weren't any restaurants, and Michael scoffs that he wasn't there to be inspired by the food, but by the environment. He points out that a circus is the most definitive concept that any of them had to be inspired by. I hate to agree with him yet again, but here we are. Robin senses that Eli is having trouble with his idea, and hopes to really push herself in the challenge, so that she can surge ahead.

The next day, we skip right over the shopping segment, which I frankly don't miss. The chefs stream into the Kitchen, where they have three and a half hours to prep. Kevin works on salmon with compressed vegetables. Again, I'm not sure what the connection between his food and the Mirage is, and I'd be curious to know. Michael hacks into chicken wings. Robin works on panna cotta, and will insert stiff panels of sugar to simulate the Chihuly glass. Jenc has settled on The Sword in the Stone as her inspiration, and starts a sauce with a couple of bottles of red wine. Eli incorporates circus themes with peanut soup with caramel apples. Popcorn and raspberry juice are also involved. Bryan cooks his fish in olive oil, and muses about how he's terrible at Quickfires, but seems to do very well in Elimination Challenges. Eli takes some time out to bash Robin some more. I agree that she's probably well past the point where she should have been eliminated, but her sticking around annoys the chefs I don't like, which brings me joy. Time winds down, and the chefs pack up their food for transport.

They are driven to the World Market Center, which I've never heard of, but has a great view of the Strip from the immense windows. The chefs unpack, and have one more hour to get everything ready. Michael cooks chicken. Jenc frets. Robin discovers that her sugar panels haven't set, and she won't be able to use them. When the hour is up, all the guests flood the room at the same time. A random guy enjoys Kevin's food. The judges head for Jenc's station first. She serves a chunk of grilled New York strip steak (as the stone) with a red wine reduction. There are beets, truffles, and herbs on top, and the whole thing is skewered by a plastic sword. Nigella finds the meat incredibly tough. Kevin serves up his wild Alaskan sockeye salmon with Napa cabbage and cucumber in a tomato broth base. All of the judges have very favorable things to say.

Michael serves boneless chicken wing confit with curry, and a disc of blue cheese. Everyone heartily enjoys it, just as they do in every bar in the country. Yes, it's a more upscale version of hot wings, and is probably very tasty. That said, Padma is cheerily describing blue cheese on chicken wings as "a nice surprise". Huh?!? Gee, Padma, why don't you stop by for dinner sometime, and I can "surprise" you by putting sour cream on a baked potato. I'm sure it's great food, but Michael has implied more than once that he's a better chef than Kevin because his food is more complicated, and here he is, serving something you can snarf by the bucket at the local dive. And since I'm already nitpicking... Saying your inspiration is derived from New York City by preparing something from Buffalo is a bit like preparing a Chicago-inspired dish from a St. Louis regional specialty.

Robin's panna cotta is based on flowers, which is what the Chihuly sculptures were formed into. She points out her table of ruined sugar, and explains what she was going for. That was probably a mistake. She should have said something like "I made these sugar panels, but decided the dish was better without them," or some other whopper like that. The judges find the panna cotta way too firm, because nobody on this show can ever make one. If for no other reason, I'm looking forward to the dessert spinoff just so someone can make a serviceable panna cotta.

Bryan has made an escabeche of halibut with a bouillabaisse consomme, pine nuts, a parsley coulis, and garlic chips. The judges all enjoy it quite a bit, calling it "balanced" and "professional". Huh, I guess all that talking about his family earlier was a false alarm. Eli's caramel apple peanut soup has ground popcorn and raspberry froth (which represents the pink dome of Circus Circus' decor). The results are not positive. None of the judges like it, and Padma outright hates it. The main problem seems to be one of texture. Yeah, texture issues are sometimes a bigger problem than flavor issues. It's why I don't eat pears. The judges choke it down, then head out of the party.

Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Kevin lightheartedly asks how everyone's food turned out, which is the first time he's sounded condescending, rather than genuinely curious. Maybe it was just the way it struck me. Nobody responds, which he takes to mean that everyone tanked. Padma enters, and summons Kevin, Michael, and Bryan to the table. Padma tells them they had the three favorite dishes of the evening. They all stare back resolutely, as if she just asked for one of their kidneys. Kevin's fish was great, and the vegetables were bright and flavorful. Bryan's food was quiet and elegant, much like he is. Michael's chicken wings were delicious and expressive. Toby gives him a backhanded compliment by calling his delicate style "effeminate". Nigella gets to announce the winner, and it turns out to be Michael. Well, those must have been some delicious wings, because he couldn't have won on inspiration. As a prize, he gets some wine and a trip to the winery where it's bottled. Nice.

Back in the Kitchen, Michael gets tepid applause. The waiting chefs are punted out to Losers' Table. Robin is already convinced she's toast. Once out there, Jenc admits to the judges that she didn't have a clear vision of what she wanted her food to be. Remember when she was such a strong contender? What the hell happened? It seems like one bad challenge punched all the momentum out of her. Ptom semi-excuses her by saying that perhaps she's just not familiar with medieval cooking. Nigella points out that while the other judges got tender cuts of meat, hers was too tough to slice through. Toby agrees that the meat was too tough.

Limecrete: "If there's one thing British judges don't get to whine about, it's tough meat."
LabRat: "I know. I don't get why British people get to judge this competition at all. What next, two Brits on the panel of a dental competition?"

Robin says that she thinks her vision and concept were good, but fell down on execution. The judges ask what happened, and she describes how her sugar didn't set properly. She was trying to accomplish techniques she hadn't worked with before, and Ptom asks her if she's being influenced by the chefs around her. She admits it. It's a fair question, but there's something off-putting about the phrasing. Of course, she shouldn't be rewarded for lackluster food, just because she hasn't done it before. However, Ptom has made a career out of slamming the chefs for staying in their comfort zones, and not pushing their limits. He's not over the hypocrisy line in this Robin inquiry, but he's dancing on it. Eli had a good idea, but both his flavors and textures were wildly off. The chefs are dismissed.

Deliberations. Every single one of Jenc's dish components was disappointing. The judges note that perhaps she has used up all of her early potential. Back in the Kitchen, Jenc herself is so beaten down, she's ready to pack up before she even gets eliminated. She's like the converse of Ariane, who started off in a whirlpool of despair and pulled herself together. Robin attempted to do things that are technically beyond her skill level. Ptom and Nigella complain that panna cotta is simplicity itself. Jeez, you wouldn't know it from this show. Eli's was just out-and-out bad. Bad texture, bad flavors, bad everything.

Elimination. Eli's dish was a mess. Jenc's food was boring. Robin's inspiration didn't make it onto the plate. In the end, Robin has run out of other chefs to hide behind, and is told to pack her knives and go. She shakes the judges' hands and thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she's glad to have made it as far as she did, but that she lost herself in trying to impress people, and forgot to make the comfort food that she excels at. She gets a good-bye hug from Jenc, and tears up as she says that she's looking forward to what comes next, and that the experience has inspired her. Well, she may have been outmatched as a chef, but she seems like a perfectly nice lady. In small doses, anyway. I wish she could have stuck around longer than Eli, just to give him something to haunt his dreams for eternity, but doing that to Mike will just have to suffice.

Overall Grade: B-

Guess Who's Not Recapping Dinner?

Well, that was odd. Instead of a regular episode, Fabio from Season 5 hosts a dinner cooked by contestants from all of the seasons. It's interesting in that some people have mellowed with time, while others are exactly as you remember them. It was an entertaining enough diversion, but even though my girl Carla was in attendance, I have a strict rule about not revisiting anything that involves Ilan.

Creatures From the Black Legume

Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 10

Note to readers: This is moving week, so it's even money on whether I'll have an internet connection by tomorrow, let alone be able to replace the following summary with a blow-by-blow recap. I'll give it the ol' college try.

In the wake of Restaurant Wars, Robin is feeling great, while Jenc is feeling crappy. Even though we often hear how chefs have to shake off the previous round in order to concentrate on the challenges ahead, it looks like it's none too easy to do that.

The Quickfire asks chefs to present a gourmet TV dinner in the style of a particular television show. A lot of the dishes made have nothing to do with the show the chef was assigned, but Padma and the guest judge don't really seem to care. Jenc and Robin do not cover themselves in glory. Robin is used to the bottom rung by now, but Jenc is sent into even more of a depression spiral. Kevin and Bryan are the top two, with Kevin winning yet another challenge. Not that he gets anything worthy from it.

The Elimination Challenge sends the chefs to work in Ptom's kitchen, which is packed to the rafters with meat of all kinds. Everyone plans dishes of meaty goodness, but the rug is pulled out from under them when guest judge Natalie Portman sweeps in, and announces that the meal has to be vegetarian. The chefs go scrambling to whip together what they can, and though Kevin has been dubbed King Meat so far, he's no slouch in the Veggie Kingdom either. He, Eli, and Michael go to Winners' Table, where he takes yet another challenge. It's looking like an unstoppable path to victory. Michael notes this with bitter jealousy.

Meanwhile, at Losers' Table, Jenc continues to fall apart, Robin is typically scatterbrained and unfocused, and Mike's dish just plain sucked. He does not help himself with his defense, which boils down to "Whatever." Thankfully, Gail is back this week, and has no patience with losing chefs throwing attitude, and he gets chopped. The remaining chefs are shocked, and while Robin's time is certainly past due, it makes me happy to see her continued presence annoy the chefs I don't like.

Oh, and if you've tuned in because you were looking to avoid violence, you should know that while no animals were harmed in the Elimination Challenge, the English language is brutally murdered throughout the episode.

Mission Impossible

Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 9

Previously on Top Chef: Robin's annoying habits, such as passive-aggressiveness, constant chatter, and having the nerve to be an older woman made her very unpopular in the house. Nerves also frayed between Michael and Bryan, whose relationship goes much better when the entire continent is between them. Kevin won another challenge, while Ash got swept out the door. Eight chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening credits. Timiffany has finished carving their pumpkins for the season, and we got to snack on the roasted seeds. Yaaaaay!

Monday Morning Quarterback session. Jenc struts her stuff in a bikini. Laurine is relieved that she hasn't been cut yet. Kevin is slightly morose over Ash's elimination, since he brought such a sense of camaraderie to the household. With him gone, the base level of tension escalates, especially between Michael and Bryan. Michael admits that he's always been an instigator, and Bryan an overbearing caretaker.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and this week's guest judge, Rick Moonen. As Kevin says, Rick is a champion of sustainable food, a soundbite we'll be hearing a lot this evening. Of course, what makes a food sustainable is never mentioned in any capacity whatsoever. It's like calling yourself "green" or slapping a pink ribbon on something as the extent of your support of breast cancer research. Caring about food sources is an admirable quality, but I need something a little meatier than an announcement about how lofty your goals are. Padma tells the chefs that they can only go so far on their individual talents, and Rick agrees that they work with bunches of people, and thus need "synergy". I put that in quotes because corporate buzzwords annoy me, especially when they're unnecessary, and can be replaced by eminently respectable words like "teamwork" or "cooperation".

That aside, the Quickfire this week is a clever, new kind of challenge, and thus very welcome. The chefs will be competing in a tag team relay race. The chefs draw knives to get their teams, and everyone's is blank except for Jenc's (who gets "First Choice") and Michael's (who gets "Second Choice"). Those two get to act as team captains. Jenc briefly mulls over whether she should split the brothers up or not, but eventually makes a wise choice, and picks Kevin. Michael snags Bryan. Jenc takes Mike. Michael takes Eli. Jenc takes Laurine, so poor, friendless Robin is picked last. She shuffles off to Michael's team, much cheerier about it than you'd expect. The teams will take on various names throughout the evening, so Jenc's team is now Blue, while Michael's is now Red. The teams will have forty minutes to complete one dish. Each team member will get ten minutes to have a crack at it. If that sounds overly simple, there's a hell of a catch. The chefs are not allowed to speak to each other. At all. Not only that, but until it's their turn to cook, everyone will be blindfolded. Padma promises a big advantage for the team that comes up with the most cohesive dish. Plus, this is high stakes, so the winning team will split $10,000.

The teams get a few moments to decide the order that their members will be cooking in. Competition aside, I feel a bit sorry for whoever goes last, as they have to stand blindfolded in a wordless room for half an hour. That doesn't strike me as the height of fun. Michael decides that Eli will go first, Robin second, Bryan third, and Michael himself will take the cleanup spot. That's a pretty smart order. Since Robin is deemed the weakest chef, the second spot, where she's neither choosing the initial ingredients nor wrapping up the dish for the judges, is a good one to put her in. Over on the Blue team, they bookend with the Wonder Twins, having Jenc go first and Kevin go last. They put Laurine in second and Mike in third. Planning time runs out, and everyone except Jenc and Eli puts their blindfolds on. Ready? Go!

Eli and Jenc grab a bunch of ingredients. Jenc wants to clue in her team by pulling out the proteins she wants, and gets black cod and scallops. After a quick prep on those, she wants to get a sauce going. She's hoping to poach the fish in olive oil, and whacks some shrimp and mushrooms for someone else to add later. Eli takes a more basic tack, unsurprisingly. He gets a lot of ingredients going that can be used in a multitude of ways, so instead of hoping to lead his team to a particular dish, he'll give them some cooked steak and chopped vegetables and let them do what they want. Neither strategy is half bad. Eli worries about the cohesiveness of the Red team's styles, making sure to get another dig in at Robin. Padma blows her whistle, so Laurine and Robin jump into the fray. Jenc worries that her teammates won't follow her "flavor profile", the third time in forty seconds that the phrase has been used. I understand that it conveys a helpful concept, but give it a damn rest.

Laurine gets a good sense of Jenc's intentions. She starts the scallops, and after a little confusion, figures out that Jenc wanted to poach the fish in the olive oil. Robin grabs the yuzu and anchovies and whips up a vinaigrette for a fennel salad. That lady sure likes her fennel. Padma blows her whistle again, and Mike hilariously claws at his blindfold, trying to get it off. He takes a while to figure out what to do, but seems to fall in the team line eventually. Bryan takes the Red team off in an Asian direction with pureed avocado and soy, adding even more yuzu to the mix, because he's unaware that Robin just used a bunch.

Another enthusiastic whistle blow brings Kevin and Michael in to clean up. Kevin knows exactly what the team was going for, and decides to chuck most of their ideas. Heh. He disregards the scallops entirely, and though he knows the olive oil is waiting to poach the black cod, he decides to pan roast it in butter, instead. Michael has a more difficult task. The steak isn't cooked enough, and the soy mixture is too salty for his tastes, so he has a lot more work to do. Both of them plate in their final seconds. The Red team has come up with strip steak with a whipped miso avocado puree, a bit of nasturtium, and various pickled vegetables. Eli admits to the judges that this isn't exactly how he envisioned the steak winding up, but it isn't too far off. The Blue team has made pan-seared black cod with some sauteed mushrooms, a mushroom/ginger broth, and some radish on top. Jenc misidentifies the black cod as trout, which Rick calls her on. She's embarrassed.

As far as results, both teams did an admirable job, but the Blue team emerges victorious, thanks mostly to Jenc's well-made stock. Laurine is happy to have her first win, though it must sting a little to only win when you've got the Wonder Twins backing you up. Michael is disappointed by the loss, and says that he's learned that you have to rely on teammates if you want to succeed. The Vulture of Foreshadowing circles his head and begins to caw loudly.

Elimination Challenge. Padma reminds the Blue team that they'll get an advantage, and reveals that the challenge is the "most anticipated of the season". Yes, it's Restaurant Wars time again, and I don't mind telling you that I'm not as big a fan of this challenge as the rest of the Top Chef viewing community seems to be. The chefs are excited, though. Kevin and Bryan say what we're all thinking, which is that talent-wise, it looks like the Blue team is as destined to triumph as Team Winner was. The teams will be taking over the two floors of Rick's restaurant, and as Quickfire winner, the Blue team gets to pick which floor they cook on. I'm sorry, what? That's the big advantage they get for winning? I think the people who write Ptom and Padma's patter for this show really need to reacquaint themselves with the definition of the word "advantage".

In better news, Padma says that the chefs don't need to worry about decor this time. Good. Spending ten minutes of the episode watching people paint walls and pick out tacky napkins was not the most entertaining aspect of previous seasons' Restaurant Wars. Padma also warns that front-of-house and service will be taken into consideration at judging, and that the front-of-house team member will be responsible for conceiving and executing one dish. In other words, there won't be any hiding from the firing squad, a la Spike. Shopping duties will be split between the grocery store and the restaurant supply store. Rick cautions them that they need to stay true to his vision of sustainable food, and that they'll be judged on that, as well. I will tell you now that this admonition is patently false. Padma tells the Blue team they have the option of taking their $2500 a piece, or letting it ride to turn it into $10,000 a piece if they win the challenge. They opt for the latter. Sure, why not? It's not like they have to go to the nearest bank and withdraw $2500 of their own money if they lose. Might as well take the shot.

The chefs get thirty minutes to plan their three-course menus. The Blue team has seen this show before, and instantly decides that they're going to stay far, far away from dessert. Laurine volunteers to take front-of-house. The Red team says that their menu will be "Modern American", which is code for "Whatever The Hell We Want". Bryan thinks he's strong enough in pastry to do a dessert. Michael points out that the judges loved Robin's apple crisp, so she volunteers to do another version with pear. Bryan wants to do a better version of what he presented in that same challenge, which worries Michael, because Bryan was on the bottom in that Quickfire. Bryan assures him that it will work this time, undoubtedly because he has a lot more time to work on it. Michael remains unconvinced.

Shopping. Eli pledges to be a good teammate with Robin, no matter how much he dislikes her. Robin gets pissy when the Blue team sees that she's picked up some sparkling water, and picks up some of their own as well. Laurine makes the apt argument that whatever team wins, it's not going to be because there's sparkling water on the table. She's right. Of course, I'm trying to imagine what would happen if Robin were the one to pick up the idea from someone else. I envision a lot of interviews about how weak and out of her league she is that she feels the need to copy someone else.

Back at the house, Eli picks out an unattractively shlubby outfit to wear for his front-of-house duties. Both teams discuss their plans. Michael comes up with the idea to call their restaurant "Revolt", as a mashup of their names (Robin, Eli, and Voltaggios). Everyone cackles and agrees. Robin brings up the fact that patrons not in on this inside joke will just see a word that doesn't have the best connotations when it comes to food, but Bryan is confident they'll see the other meaning, as in "to rise up against authority". The Red team now styles themselves "Mission", which is much better, especially in paying lip service to the whole sustainable food aspect of the challenge. Michael gives Robin ideas on how to elevate a simple crisp into a more high-end dessert. Mission convinces themselves that Kevin's track record with meat dishes should overcome any problems the judges have with not serving dessert.

The next day, the chefs head to the restaurants, which are on two floors of the same big room. Mission picks the floor they want, and Revolt is somehow not blown into shock and submission by this awesome "advantage". The chefs have three hours to prepare, which as Kevin points out, is hardly enough. Michael is becoming too domineering, which is rubbing Bryan and Robin the wrong way. Eli seems all too happy to be told what to do, just as Ash was. Laurine tries to help Mission prep as much as she can before she's needed in the dining room. Mission's menu includes: Asparagus with a six-minute egg, Arctic char tartare, a bouillabaisse consomme, seared trout, pork three ways, and lamb with carrot jam. Mike is preparing the first two, Jenc the second two, Kevin the pork, and Laurine the lamb (which Kevin will actually cook). Jenc discovers that they're a lot further behind on time than they should be, but there's not much they can do about it at this point.

Revolt will be serving Michael's chicken with calamari "pasta", Eli's smoked Arctic char, Bryan's duo of beef, Michael's cod with a billi-bi sauce, Robin's pear pithivier, and Bryan's chocolate ganache with spearmint ice cream. Once the brunt of the prep work is done, Eli and Laurine break off to get the dining rooms settled. Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. Laurine promises him that if the dishes that come out of the kitchen don't meet her satisfaction, she'll send them back. Ptom ascertains that Jenc is busy, and doesn't ask a single question about what she's making. I sure am glad that we are privy to these fascinating inner workings of the competition! They really need to do away with this segment. If Ptom's not going to help them or offer any sort of feedback (which I find silly, but more than fair), and we don't learn anything important as an audience, why are we forced to go through this every week?

After a final montage of prep work, along with some sniping by Michael and Bryan, diners flood both dining rooms. Mission is nowhere near being done. Even as people are being seated for dinner, Jenc is still trying to butcher her fish. She shrugs that she may have to wind up cooking each piece to order. The judges come to Revolt first. Toby's here again. Please come back soon, Gail! Once Eli greets them and gets them seated, he shuffles off to get their food. The judges agree that the restaurant has a terrible name. Eli soon reappears with his smoked Arctic char (which is misidentified by the Reliably Shitty Titles Department as Bryan's), which has beets, a horseradish sour cream, and some potatoes. It is paired with Michael's pressed chicken with calamari noodles, some fennel, and tomato confit. The judges love Michael's dish, but find Eli's bland. The second course takes a long time to come out, which the judges note. Michael continues to snipe at Bryan in the kitchen.

Eventually, Eli does bring out Bryan's beef duo, which is a braised short rib with sunchoke puree, and a New York strip steak. He apologizes for the wait and explains the second course, which also includes Michael's cod with parsley sauce, a billi-bi croquette, and some zucchini. Michael has another winner with the cod. Bryan's is not as good. It's a tad bland, and some diners find the meat cold. Ew. Since we're between courses, it must be time for Michael to bully his teammates some more. He and Robin get into a fight about her dessert. She's trying to plate it, and he doesn't think she's doing it right, and tries to take over. She won't let him and curses at him, he gets offended and yells at her, then condescendingly tells her to relax. Bryan says in interview that in Restaurant Wars, you have to put your feelings aside so that you can get the food out, and I honestly don't know which person he's defending and which he's telling to put their feelings aside; both Robin and Michael are being assholes. The funniest bit is when Michael tells Robin not to curse at him, and his hypocrisy aside, anyone who's ever worked in a kitchen will know why that's hilarious. It turns out not to matter that much, as the judges love both Robin and Bryan's desserts.

The judges agree that Eli put forth a good effort on front-of-house, then hoist themselves up, and head to Mission. Laurine greets them, and worries about striking a balance between serving the judges and serving everyone else in the restaurant. The judges read the menu, and have the nerve to act shocked when they discover that there is no dessert. Mike, who is strangely calm and agreeable tonight, sends out the first course. I think being beaten down by the competition may be doing his personality some good. His asparagus and egg is served, along with the Arctic char tartare. Laurine disappears without talking to them about the food, and the judges agree (though Toby needs some coaching by Ptom) that the dishes need some salt. Padma flags down Laurine and asks for salt in a pseudo-friendly voice designed to let her know that she's screwed up. It's the "Pardon me. I'd wonder if you'd mind putting down the nail file for a moment and telling me where I can find the bedding department," kind of request.

Jenc is still way behind on the fish, and Laurine can't keep up with the dining room, so the second course is pretty much a disaster from the get-go. Laurine again gives the judges their food and vanishes without a word. Padma calls her back to explain the dishes. Jenc's fish course includes Idaho trout with a brown butter emulsion, braised endive, and hazelnuts. Also, some Alaskan halibut with mussels and clams, and a saffron aioli in consomme. Once she's gone, we hear that neither dish has gone well for Jenc. The consomme is not clear, as it should be, but tastes fine. The mussels and clams are too fishy, and the brown butter sauce has broken.

Mission's problems are not over. Kevin cannot get Laurine's lamb to cook evenly, although no amount of oven problems should cause a chef to look at a piece of meat that is solid red and openly bleeding and call it "medium rare". That's on Kevin. He and I both admit that the level of doneness is more a point of opinion than accepted fact. When the lamb finally goes out, Laurine explains to the judges that it has a carrot jam with mushroom sauce, and a green bean salad with herb dressing. Kevin's pork three ways is pork belly with maple glaze, cabbage-wrapped pork sausage, some cornmeal mousseline, and red-eye gravy. Laurine's lamb is considered way too rare, though I don't see how that's her fault (except where she said she wouldn't allow food she didn't approve of out into the dining room, which she now has). Kevin's pork dish is much better-received. Toby says he misses dessert. Perhaps if you guys didn't harangue or eliminate every contestant who timidly steps outside his or her comfort zone to make one, you'd get it more often.

End of service. A waiter for Revolt hands out flowers to patrons right before they fill out their comment cards. Oooh, sneaky. Michael knows they had their problems, but thinks things went fine, overall. Mission, on the other hand, doesn't have to wonder how they did; they know they sucked. Various patrons talk about how great Revolt's food was, and how disappointing Mission was in both food and service. The judges head out.

Interstitial. The editors intercut footage of Michael being a giant prick to his teammates with interviews of Michael describing the qualities of good leaders. According to Interview Michael, good leaders aren't arrogant, and don't yell and scream. According to Footage Michael, *bleep*, *bleeep*, with the *bleeep*ing *bleeeeeeeep*. Interview Michael wraps up with an avowal that he's a nice guy with the biggest heart in the competition. The editors wrap up Footage Michael with more bitching, moaning, and cursing. Ouch.

Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Mike implies that the only way Revolt could lose is if they burned down their kitchen, then fell into a well or something. Unsurprisingly, Padma comes in and asks to see the Revolt team. They're told they are the winning team, and had the best food of any Restaurant Wars team, ever. Wow. Toby says that aside from the sketchy name and Eli being "woefully underdressed", he gives them high marks. I'm glad somebody brought up Eli's outfit, because I really am not a fan of the put-on-nice-clothes-then-untuck-them-and-roll-around-in-bed look. Bryan's ice cream and short rib are singled out as his best offerings. I thought they said the meat was bland and cold. What changed? Maybe they just meant the strip steak. Eli is commended for his service. Both of Michael's dishes are lauded. When Robin's dessert is complimented, the problems between her and Michael are alluded to, but not fully explored, which makes sense. Who'd want to throw a big tantrum when you're on the winning team? That's all of the discussion. Aren't you glad we've learned so much about what made this winning team's menu sustainable? Rick gets to announce the individual winner, and since his food was so fantastic, Michael is chosen. He wins the $10,000 that each member of Mission would have gotten, had they won. Probably hoping to mend some fences, Michael pledges to split the money with the other Revolt team members.

Back in the Kitchen, Mission tries to figure out who's going to get eliminated. Mike wishes he would have taken front-of-house, because he's got so much experience with it. Much good it does anyone to bring that up now. Revolt comes back with the news of Michael's win, and sends Mission out to Losers' Table. Michael openly hopes for Mike to survive the chopping block. Once they're gone, Bryan allows himself to get pissy. He doesn't yell and scream like a lot of contestants have; he gets curt and passive-aggressive. Robin and Eli thank Michael for splitting his prize money, but Bryan tells him to keep it. He's upset that Michael's unprofessional behavior was rewarded, and doesn't want any part of that, but only tells us that in interview. In the Kitchen, all he'll say is that Michael won, so he should keep his money. Michael is obviously well-versed enough in the ways of Bryan to know that he's being told to shove it.

Mission walks out to the judges. There was so much wrong that it's almost tough to find a place to start. Timing issues. Execution issues. Service issues. Mike's food was acceptable, but nothing special. Jenc's fish courses were a mess. Though the halibut was cooked well, the trout was a disaster. Jenc is surprised to hear about the broken sauce. In the third course, the lamb was completely underdone, and to make sure that Kevin the Golden Child isn't blamed, Ptom turns to Laurine and reminds her about the conversation they had about her taking charge of food that she wouldn't put her stamp of approval on. Don't get me wrong. I like Kevin, and if you asked me if he or Laurine had more overall talent, I think the answer is pretty clear. That said, it's not very fair to say that underdone meat is entirely a service problem, and leave the person who undercooked it completely out of the picture.

Laurine admits to a lot of other problems, as well. Once things got hectic, her anxiety started to show, which only caused things to fall apart faster. Ptom says that it sounds like what Mission really lacked was leadership, and that deciding things by committee doesn't work. I don't know if that really holds true in every situation, but I agree that it would have helped in this one. Jenc is completely beaten down. The chefs are dismissed.

Deliberations. Mission was ill-prepared for the evening, and didn't communicate well. Ptom thinks they may have been overconfident going in, which I can buy. Mike didn't have an out-and-out catastrophe. Jenc was insane to steam clams and mussels to order, and her trout sucked. The lamb was undercooked, and Ptom finally admits that Kevin has to share in the responsibility of that. Laurine fell apart in front-of-house and in front-of-everyone. The judges reach a decision.

Elimination. This one's not too hard to call. If Mike didn't have any individual issues, and the Wonder Twins are two of the remaining people, that just leaves Laurine. I believe this is the first time a front-of-house person has been eliminated. She gets good-bye hugs in the Kitchen, and tells Jenc that she (Jenc) deserves to stay. Laurine says that the obstacles presented helped her learn a lot about herself, and that competing for anything is not her cup of tea. It's refreshing to hear someone say that. I'm not competitive, either, and I get a little tired of reality show participants praising themselves for their competitive natures. It usually means they're trying to pass off being a dick on a drive to succeed, but even when it's genuine, I don't always accept a desire to beat other people as a virtue. Revolt asks Mission what went down in the dining room, and Kevin declines to discuss it, saying that he's really angry right now. I would love to hear why, but it is not to be.

Laurine is happy to have learned some innovative cooking techniques while she was here, but is also looking forward to returning to her old life. I'm conflicted about her elimination. There's no way I can deny that she really dropped the ball on her front-of-house duties, which she knew was fair game for judging. Plus, as I've said before, she's not the archetype that's favored in shows like these, so it was only a matter of time before she was eliminated. Note that everyone I said would be eliminated is now gone, save Robin, and let's face it... She's only got one or two more episodes. With regard to Laurine, though, I feel like a lot of Mission's biggest problems weren't her fault. She didn't mitigate the kitchen's problems well, but it's not like she was the reason the food was slow. She didn't fall behind on her prep work. She didn't undercook the meat. Given the rules of the challenge, it was entirely fair to eliminate her, but as the judges have often snottily reminded us and the contestants, this isn't Top Sous Chef or Top Sommelier. Is it now Top Hostess? If your overall goal is to seek out the most talented chef, is it really wise to eliminate someone who isn't a good manager?

Overall Grade: B-

Ham-Fisted

Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 8

Note to readers: This is normally where I'd say that the following is a short summary of what happened in the episode, which will be replaced by a blow-by-blow recap later in the week. This week, though, I'm headed out of town, and may not have time to convert this to a longer entry. We'll see where the wind takes me.

Tonight's Top Chef is all about pairings. Well, that's not actually true. Tonight is really all about how I was totally right when I said the treatment of Robin has nothing to do with her skills as a chef, and everything to do with the fact that she's not invited to sit at the cool kids' lunch table. First, in the Quickfire, a guest judge -- who looks so much like Cliff Clavin that I'm just going to go ahead and call him that -- asks the chefs to make a dish to pair to some product-placed potato-chip-by-way-of-Trader-Joe's. The onion strips are popular, as I imagine it's much easier to pair fried onion than atomic nacho cheese, or whatever the other flavors are. Jenc overcooks her pork chops, and winds up in the bottom three with Robin and Ash. Up in the top, Bryan and Kevin get their usual high marks, along with Eli, who takes the win. We also finally learn why Eli acts like a dumb kid who still lives with his folks; he's a dumb kid who still lives with his folks.

The Elimination Challenge has the chefs pull various cuts of pork at random to pair with various Pinot noirs. Each contestant must make 150 tasting portions to serve at an event the next day. Before they get to that, though, we arrive at the traditional point of the season where nerves fray and snap, and these people can no longer stand the sight of each other. Michael and Bryan snip at each other like only siblings can do, and Robin's usual logorrhea, along with some passive-aggressive carping to clean up some dishes, makes Eli snap and scream at her that she's not his mom. He's right to be crabby, but "You're not my mother?" Weak. I hope his actual mom lets him go to the homecoming dance next week, but he may have to clean his room first. Robin's obnoxious personality has driven away even the nicest chefs, and if they'd just stick to criticizing her on her valid flaws, I'd be fine with it. Instead, a bunch of the chefs (Eli and Mike, notably) are just total Heathers about the whole thing, which makes me want to defend her.

The actual challenge gets under way, and we see that Ptom and Padma have learned nothing from their fashion tragedies last week. Padma actually tries to get away with a sun hat, like she's in The Great Gatsby or something. The guests, judges, and Cliff Clavin eat their way through all of the piggy entries, and single out the usual suspects for the winners' circle: Michael, Bryan, Kevin, and Jenc. Unless they reserve a spot for Mike just so the Asshole Archetype can stick around longer, I think we're looking at the final four. Kevin takes yet another win. Down at the bottom, Laurine messed up her rillette, Robin didn't feature the pork, and Ash prepared an incredibly oversimplified dish, and didn't even do that right. Last week's admission that he is but a humble servant in the presence of greatness catches up with him, and he's sent packing. Stay tuned to see how this, too, will be construed as all Robin's fault.

Ashes, Ashleys, They All Fall Down

Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 7

Previously on Top Chef: Every woe in the world, from swine flu to the My Lai massacre, was Robin's fault. Kevin once again floated to the top, while Ron fell out of the bottom. Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Opening credits. Sickness is still sweeping through our viewing party, so it was a small gathering. Good thing, because LabRat had taken some of my butter without telling me, so I didn't have enough to make chocolate chip cookies, and had to substitute margarine. The results were less than stellar.

Monday Morning Quarterback session. Ash has picked up Jesse's insecurity about not attending culinary school. Not that I think schooling is the end-all, be-all approach to every career, but based on what I've seen from Ash over the past six episodes, he's right to worry. Michael prioritizes food over everything. He mentions his two children, but I'm not sure if the take-away message is that he focuses on his career over them or not. That was weirdly presented. In other news, Jenc is a bit ill.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs arrive in the Kitchen, to be met by Padma and guest judge Tyler Florence. Padma plugs a website that is a repository of recipes for at-home cooks. I don't use the one they mention, so I'll plug allrecipes.com instead, because it's great. The Quickfire will be to pull a slot machine for three words that will give the chefs a mood, a taste/texture, and a style of cuisine to work in. I'll give Laurine's example, so you can get a sense of what things are coming up on the machine. "Romantic", "tart", and "Latin American".

LabRat: "Everything Laurine isn't."

Other terms that pop up include spicy, Asian, umami, Middle Eastern, and blue (the mood, not the color). Padma sends them off with thirty minutes to get their dishes ready. People cook. Absolutely nothing interesting is cooked, done, or said, except for Eli's laughably trite assertion that he doesn't care what people think about him, and that he's looking out for "number one". What does Kevin have to do with anything? Oh, he's referring to himself. Funny, you'd think the number one chef would win a challenge here and there. I suppose I should be impressed that he managed to get all that out without resorting to the actual phrase.

Time runs out. Padma and Tyler go down the line. Mike has no experience with Asian cuisine, but has managed to put out a raw mushroom salad with shiso and ginger. Laurine has made a crusted goat cheese salad with orange jalapeno vinaigrette, and has accented it with hibiscus flowers. Ash has thrown everything but the Kitchen sink into a pasta puttanesca. Michael is trying to branch out by making dessert. He's made a yuzu curd with whipped Greek yogurt and a seaweed cracker. Eli has put together a mushroom ceviche with marbled avocado. Tyler doesn't offer any initial feedback. Kevin, like Mike, has no Asian cooking background, but has made char-grilled pork with a Vietnamese herb salad. Bryan has seared scallops with some bok choy and beads of tempura. Robin tried to go Middle Eastern with a root vegetable hash with cumin and curry oil. Padma snipes that curry isn't really a Middle Eastern type of ingredient. Robin admits that maybe she blurred the cultural lines too much. Ashley has made feta pudding with some sumac-dusted halibut. Finally. Every plate of food I've seen so far has been incredibly dull and boring, save this one. I'd like to try that dish. Jenc has Maine diver sea scallops with pistachios and salmon roe on top.

Results. First in the bottom three is Robin, whose curry with salt doesn't evoke Middle Eastern flavors. Eli killed his mushroom flavor with citrus. He's welcome to start backing up that bluster of his any time now. Christ, Mike may be a pain, but at least he generally puts out good food. Jenc's "adventurous" use of salmon roe on top of scallops isn't new at all, according to Tyler. Now, to the good news. Mike's plate was light, fresh, and clean. Kevin overcame his unfamiliarity with Asian food. Michael's flavor profile was spot-on. The ultimate winner is Kevin, whose dominance shows no signs of slowing. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so Kevin gets to decide between immunity and $15,000. Kevin reasonably assumes that the judges love pretty much everything he makes, so he opts for the cash. Padma wraps up by telling the chefs before the Elimination Challenge is discussed, they can go back to the Resort for a home-cooked meal.

Commercials. "Pretzels are made to be shared." Could someone tell LabRat that?

Mike, who has apparently never seen a single episode of a single reality show before he came here, has taken Padma at her word, and is looking forward to a little down time. The chefs come home to discover their place stocked with dishes and ingredients, so they catch the snap about who's going to prepare that home-cooked meal Padma mentioned. Speak of the devil, Padma comes up the walk, wearing an extremely ill-advised green pantsuit. She brings everyone outside, where she explains this week's Elimination Challenge. Tyler is back, along with a few more guest judges: Nancy Silverton, Govind Armstrong, Takashi Yagihashi, and Tom Douglas, all of who are restaurateurs. The challenge is to cook a meal, family-style, right there in their own kitchen. Each of the restaurateurs carries a bag of ingredients, and each of the chefs will draw knives to see which bag they'll get. There are five bags and ten chefs, so they'll be working in pairs, which work out to be:

Laurine/Bryan
Kevin/Jenc
Michael/Ash
Eli/Ashley
Mike/Robin

These are some hilariously mismatched pairs. Obviously, Mike and Robin are the pinnacle of dysfunction, but there's something incongruous about Michael/Ash and Laurine/Bryan, too. Really, the only one that makes perfect sense is Kevin/Jenc; it'll be interesting to see if the two golden children can retain their luster when they're thrown together.

Padma gives everyone two and a half hours to cook. The first order of business is to claim some space in the cramped kitchen. Mike bitches and moans in interview about working with Robin. Michael and Ash can't get any kitchen space, so they'll be working in the dining room with woks. They get started on a fennel ravioli. Kevin and Jenc are out on the balcony. Their bag contains mostly Asian condiments, so they can go in any number of directions. Ashley wants to make more gnocchi, since she's had success with that before. Mike and Robin's ingredients are very Asian, and while she has more experience in that area of cuisine, he's sure as hell not about to hand over any control to her. Let a weak, old, woman dictate the menu? Nevah! Jenc is feeling better after her illness and poor Quickfire performance. She throws herself with renewed zeal into a tomato chutney with chicken stock.

Meanwhile, Ash happily allows himself to be railroaded by Michael at every turn. In a team-building sense, it's very positive, but in a show-us-your-skills sense, there is absolutely nothing of Ash in the food. Which, given the track records of these guys so far, isn't a horrible idea. In a similar vein, Mike takes the dominant role on his team, which Robin is fine with, as long as she gets some input. Mike mostly ignores her. Is it me tonight? Am I just in a mood? Or is this really as tiresome an episode as it seems?

Commercials. So I guess Chevy Chase is officially back now.

Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste in as unwise an outfit as Padma had on. I know we're in Vegas, but that doesn't give everyone carte blanche to don such tacky clothes. Eli and Ashley tell him they're putting prawns on their gnocchi, and he just stares at them. Eli wonders what kind of feedback that is, and Ptom replies that it's not feedback at all. EXACTLY. I don't call it ptimewasting for nothing. Robin and Mike give no inkling of the bubbling well of resentment building up in their team. Michael and Ash (well, Michael) explains the deconstructed carbonara they're putting together. Once he's done with his walkthrough, Ptom comes outside and tells us that the chefs that are able to make things that are the least detriment to their dishes will have an advantage. Wow, really? Thanks for that stunning insight! Let me write that down under "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it," and "I want to do something quick [for the Quickfire]." I learn so much from this show.

Ash, who has nothing to do and no ideas to contribute, wanders downstairs to set the table for dinner. You know, I started this season really liking him (and that Into the Woods reference was a gem), but as we progress, I'm finding him more and more out of his league. For all the talk about how useless Robin is (some passive-aggressively coming from Ash himself), at least she's trying. Speaking of not trying, Eli pusses out on cooking the prawns, so even though Ashley was in charge of making all the gnocchi, she gets to cook the protein as well. Bad news strikes Michael and Ash, because with all the appliances running at the same time, they trip the circuits powering their woks. The fish isn't done cooking, and one sure way to ruin fish is by cooking it, cooling it, then cooking it again. Unfortunately, they don't really have any choice. The judges get seated for dinner. Mike pissily disapproves of the way Robin is cooking the tuna. Ashley tells Eli to season the gnocchi, and when he brings them out, she finds them way too salty. Time winds down, and everyone plates their food.

The judges sip wine. The chefs bring out all the food. Eli and Ashley have grilled prawns with a red beet/creme fraiche sauce, the aforementioned gnocchi, and kale. Mike describes his and Robin's food, but says "I" everywhere he should be saying "we". No surprises there. They've made marinated mushroom and a pickled Asian pear roll with seared tuna and scallops. Bryan and Laurine, who have been utterly ignored this entire episode, have made pan-roasted halibut with a sherry-chorizo vinaigrette, a yellow corn cake, and an avocado mousse. Kevin and Jenc have lightly barbecued kobe beef. Kevin's done the meat, and Jenc has made the tomato/cardamom/ginger broth it rests in. Michael has made a pancetta-wrapped halibut with egg yolk ravioli. Ash has tossed together some asparagus and fennel for a salad. Wow, complicated. Not one of the dishes presented is one that I actively want to try. The chefs are dismissed, and the diners dig in.

Michael and Ash's food is alternately undercooked (pancetta) and overcooked (halibut). Laurine and Bryan's halibut is much more successful. Ashley and Eli's gnocchi are too salty, and the prawns are undercooked. Kevin and Jenc's food is balanced and tasty. Mike and Robin did a good job, as well. The chefs begin their fret 'n sweat early. Bryan comes over to check in on Michael, who's not happy with what he put out tonight.

Interstitial. Robin talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks.

Fret 'n Sweat 2: Electric Boogaloo. Michael is especially worried. Padma comes back to the Kitchen, and summons Laurine, Bryan, Kevin, and Jenc to Judges' Table. Predictably, these are the winning teams. The judges ascertain that Kevin was responsible for the kobe beef, while Jenc made the sauce. They really liked everything about the dish. It's weird that Laurine and Bryan made it into the top, as the editors studiously avoided showing us any of the process that got them there. Laurine explains that she made the corn cake, while Bryan cooked the fish. Ptom likes how they picked and chose from the ingredient bag, while Tyler enjoyed the chorizo-sherry vinaigrette. Tyler gets to announce the challenge's winner, and Jenc's sauce carries the day. She wins a gift card to Macy's which she generously plans to share with Kevin. Back in the Kitchen, Bryan tells the remaining chefs that the judges want to see Michael, Ash, Eli, and Ashley. Once they're gone, Kevin asks Bryan about what led Michael and Ash's dish astray. He's just thinking out loud, but Bryan spits that he's tired of dissecting other people's plates, and that Kevin has no way to judge a dish that he didn't even taste. Yikes. I mean, kudos for trying to back up your sibling, but still.

Limecrete: "I can see him just snapping one day, and going completely crazy."
Tiffany: "One day?!? It's going to happen before the end of the season."

Both the Odd Asian Music and the Gong are so bored with this episode, they've fallen asleep, and neither one shows up to do its job when the losing chefs enter the judging room. Michael explains that the overcooked fish happened because of a power outage. Tyler snips that they can't accept that as a viable excuse, because he's always doing expensive meals for people in weird places, and would have to come up with something if such an event occurred. Okay, but... Tyler would have a gaggle of helpers, and he'd be allowed to rush out and buy additional ingredients or equipment, so it's not really comparable. That, and Michael was offering the power outage as a reason, not an excuse. There's a difference. Ptom offers a more reasonable criticism in that he thinks a different type of fish would have worked better in their dish.

Curiously, Ash volunteers -- without any questions from the judges -- that he had absolutely no input into their food. It's not even in a blame-Michael-for-having-bad-ideas way. It's a I-couldn't-have-done-any-better way. Strange. He compares Michael to Picasso (which, let's not go nuts), and says it was an honor to play second fiddle to him. Ptom says it sounds like Ash is asserting that he's only fit to go so far in the competition. Normally, I hate it when Ptom says stuff like that, because I feel like he should focus on food, not attitude. That said, I'm with him on this one. Ash back-pedals a bit, and says he can execute food just as well as any other competitor. Eli and Ashley's prawn was undercooked. Ashley cops to that, saying that she was fearful of overcooking them. The gnocchi was over-salted, and probably shouldn't have even been served. That would have made for a sad little plate of food. No matter how good their concept was, Ptom says it didn't work out in execution. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Michael thanks Ash for being so nice in his defense of the team.

Deliberations. Ash is lazy. Michael's ideas didn't work out, and the fish was overcooked. Toby parrots Tyler's line about a power outage not being an excuse out in the real world, but back in the Kitchen, Michael brings up my previous point: In the real world, he'd have more resources to fix it. Ptom suspects Eli is the culprit for the salty gnocchi, but Ashley is to blame for part of it, plus all of the undercooked prawn. Nothing is ever made of the fact that Eli played a back-burner role, similar to Ash's.

Elimination. The judges look stern. Toby wears ugly sunglasses, like he thinks he's Bono. Ashley messed up the prawn, and made the gnocchi. Michael's concept was fine, but his execution was off. Not a word is said to Eli or Ash before Ptom gives it over to Padma for the chop. Ashley. Please pack your knives and go. She thanks the judges for the opportunity. In her final interview, she has the very healthy attitude that there's no way to make a mistake at this point in the competition and not reasonably expect to go home. It doesn't define who you are as a chef, but it's more than fair to lose this particular contest. She tears up as she gets her good-bye hugs, as does Jenc. Ashley has learned a lot from the experience, and is looking forward to what comes next. Well, I wish her luck. I also wish that this season would pick up, because that? Was tedious.

Overall Grade: C